Let’s pretend this never happened

I loved this book. I will admit that the only reason I purchased the e-book is because the title caught me – not always the best way to choose your next read but it worked in this case. I was hooked after reading this quote at the end of the introduction:

I want to thank everyone who helped me create this book, except for that guy who yelled at me in Kmart when I was eight because he thought I was being “too rowdy.”

You’re an asshole sir.

 

This book was funny. It was honest. In places, it was almost unbelievable. And most of all, it made me feel normal, and I’ll take that anytime.

I’ll leave you with another quote:

 

In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax. In fact, I should probably charge money to all the normal people to simply not go to your social functions and ruin them. Especially since i end up saving so much money on sedatives to keep my anxiety at least slightly in check, and those expenses are not even tax deductible. Still, it’s worth the personal expense, because being drugged enough to appear semi coherent is preferable to being treated like an unwelcome polar bear at a dinner party.” 

Laura

My grandmother Margaret was the second youngest of eleven children, the breakdown of which was seven boys and four girls. Her eldest sister Laura, born "Mary Loretta” was the eldest child of Roddie and Josephine (MacAulay) Steele. Laura was the first to leave home and head to the States – a path that many of her siblings would also follow.

Laura Steele

My grandmother talked about her siblings a lot and the majority of them I never met. Her stories and the odd photograph were the only connection I had to these people. In the past few years, we’ve been fortunate enough to get to know Laura’s granddaughter Cheryl. She has in fact become one of my favourite cousins. Cheryl and her husband David purchased my Grandmother’s home on PEI after she died. This has led to many treasured family get-togethers in the summer when they are ‘home.’

This past summer they came to the Island to par take in my parent’s 45^th wedding anniversary. A few days after the party they came to the farm and spent an afternoon and evening with us. Cheryl brought with her a box of her Grandmother Laura’s photographs she had found. Mom, Cheryl and I spent the entire afternoon going through these photographs, Mom was able to identify many of the relatives in the photographs. We saw many images of my Grandmother’s siblings that we had never seen before. These photographs provided us with a glimpse into their lives. I knew these siblings all lives in the ‘States’ but what I did not have was a sense that they were all there “together.” Laura had many snapshots and some studio portraits of her, Philip, Joseph, Bernard, Cyriene, and Sadie. Here are a few highlights from Laura’s collection:

M. Joseph Steele

 

 



L to R: Laura (Steele) Raymond, Cryiene & Mildred Steele

Philip F. Steele

Laura (second from left)

Joseph (third from left)

Bernard (far right)

 

 Sadie (Steele) & Walter Halforth (sp?)

 

 

Sadie Steele

Of all the photographs we saw, this one surprised me the most. I’ve always known how much I resemble my Dad and the Rossiter side of my family. Yet, people have always felt there was a resemblance between myself and my cousin Louise, Mary Anne’s granddaughter. I certainly saw a resemblance between Louise and the photograph of Sadie above. But when I looked at the photograph below, I was shocked at how much I resembled Sadie – especially around the eyes. Unfortunately, I also grew up hearing Sadie always referred to as “the crazy one.”

Sadie Steele

On a previous trip to Cheryl’s home in New Hampshire, I was delighted to discover a slate that Laura had saved from her childhood. The Steele children who had used this slate when attending school had engraved their initials into the slate. Words cannot express the excitement I felt when I saw this slate. Cheryl said the slate had been found in Laura’s hope chest.

I never met Laura, but I am so grateful to her. I am grateful that she saved the slate, that she documented many aspects of her and her siblings lives via photographs, and that she saved these photographs. All of these items, today, offer our family a glimpse of the story of the lives of those who came before us.

October Strawberries

I saw a U-Haul van last week and it stopped me in my tracks. As I stood there, I was reminded that I had hoped that would be my reality this Fall. It was not meant to be. Fate has decided it best that I remain in Toronto for the time being. I gave myself a few days to be sad about it and then I picked myself up – determined to make the best of my life here in T-dot for however longer that shall be.

I’ve always firmly believed that you are where you are meant to be. It is sometimes difficult to figure out, however, why we are here. What lessons are we to learn? What part of me is to benefit and grow? What can I bring? I am, however, as impatient as ever when answers are not readily clear.

The day after getting my disappointing news, I had lunch with someone who has become a cherished friend. He always brings laughter and clarity to my life. I have come to rely on him for advice and guidance in many aspects of my life. We are alike in so many ways. The most common denominator – we are country bumpkins at heart and offer no apology for it. In an effort to boost my spirits he produced a wee box after we finished lunch. In it, were earrings to match the pendant he gave me for my birthday – “Strawberries” by Michael Michaud.

I was not familiar with Michaud’s jewellery but am now fascinated by it. Inspired by nature, this jewellery is incredibly beautiful and unique. His silver seasons collection features “elements cast in silver and bronze and accented with pearls and gemstones.”

Oh yah, it’s Halloween

Six-thirty am this morning, I was standing on the subway platform waiting for the next train. Watching CP24, I heard an announcer refer to today being Halloween. I stood there and thought “Oh yeah, it’s Halloween.” I then felt old. I would never have forgotten this when I was ‘younger.’

As children, we of course looked forward to Halloween. Because we lived in the country, our Mom always drove us around, which I am sure was not much fun for her. We didn’t go to a lot of houses – just neighbours and relatives. I remember it always being cold and always being tired when it was all said and done. We went as far as Cable Head to our great Aunts and Uncles. Margaret Reggie always had a pan of homemade squares in the pantry – and if you were a relative, you got one. And they were *always* so good.

One year Peter and I dressed up as a nurse and a doctor. At age 11, I fit into Hilda’s nurses uniform. Good grief. Her shoes fit me too. Another year, Peter allowed us to dress him up as a woman – wig, make-up, purse – the whole shebang. And he really hammed it up. I can still remember how hard Toddy Ryan laughed.

The last time I dressed up was when I was at Acadia. I recall going to a party at Ian’s home, rooting through a bunch of junk from Frenchys and settling on a celery green Moroccan gown that had gold beading. I wrapped a towel around my head to represent a turban and we headed to the Axe. Looking back, I am not sure there was anything Moroccan about the gown – and wrapping a towel around my head to represent a turban was, I am thinking, not so politically correct. One can only get away with such antics in da Valley.

It was fun to see all the little people out this evening in their costumes. May their trick or treating be done safely.

I’ll leave you with a mighty ‘Har Har Har and a bottle of rum’

 

PS: (I’m on the left – and supposed to be a pirate – I think).

45

In 1967, Canada hosted an International and Universal Exposition in Montreal. It was Canada’s main celebration during the county’s centennial year. It was also the year my parents were married, on August 12^th, at St. Alexis Roman Catholic Church in Rollo Bay, PEI.

This year marked Mom and Dad’s 45^th wedding anniversary. This realization began with Peter asking David “How old are you this year?” (Answer = 44). Much to David’s horror, Mom once joking referred to David once as her “centennial project.” The boys, Karen and I decided to have a party to celebrate. One might think it would be more suitable to have such a gathering for a fiftieth celebration. But with Dad’s health scare earlier this year, combined with the fact that we enjoy having family gatherings every summer, well, we decided to go for it.

In consultation with Mom and Dad, we developed a guest list. We decided against having the party a surprise and felt instead, it was important to consult with Mom and Dad on all our ideas. After subtracting and then adding to the guest list, the final count was fifty people plus – with the majority being just family. It was fortunate that all of our first cousins on Dad’s side were home for our Rossiter Family Reunion (which took place the day after the anniversary party). Here are the invitations I had made for the party:

David and Karen offered to host the event. Having recently built an enormous deck onto the back of their home, it was the perfect location to have the party. David and Karen took care of the menu, purchased all the food and did all of the cooking – no small feat – but one that they booth seem to enjoy. Trying to contribute as much as possible, I agreed to pick up all the plates, napkins, cutlery, etc...The theme for a 45^th anniversary is sapphire so I suggested a blue theme. I also contacted a local woman to have a custom cake made. Although it didn’t turn out quite as I had hoped (yes, I am *too* fussy), everyone seemed pleased. I did like the shamrock details on the cake, which I asked to be similar to the detailing on Belleek China.  

All in all it was a wonderful party. We were so pleased with the turnout. All of our parent’s siblings came as well as almost all our first cousins. All of our neighbors, friends and extended family that were invited came. It was wonderful to see everyone and my only regret is that I didn’t take more photos. But here are a few we did take:

 

 

 

Later that week, I sat down with Mom and went through all their wedding photographs. I had seen them before of course, but I wanted to sit down with Mom and have her share her memories connected with each photograph. It had the potential to be sentimental but I was of course laughing hysterically five minutes into our stroll down memory lane.

We looked at Mom’s wedding book and her one-liner comments came fast and furious. She commented on everything – from her penmanship, to her crooked tiara, to how much taller she was then her father who walked her down the aisle. Everything seemed to strike us funny....until we came to the guest portion of the book. Looking at the signatures of guests in attendance, we were surprised to realize how many people have since passed. This of course applied to the wedding party as well. Mom’s sister Josie and Dad’s brother DeDe, both now dead, signed the book at the very top of the page:

I also came across the speech that Dad made at their wedding reception, Which Mom says that Jimmie MacAulay helped him write. It was touching to read. In it he thanked Auntie, Harold and Joe, and referenced his parents who had been long since deceased. Mom said that apparently his speech had Josie bawling....then again, it was always said that Josie’s bladder was behind her eyes.

I love that my parent’s wedding photos are in black and white – they are timeless. And I think my Mom looked so beautiful – even though she hates her wedding dress to this day. It was August and it was hot – long sleeves and lace fabric were simply not a good mix. So much so that she itches to this day when she sees any clothing made out of lace.  But I think she looked radiant – and still does to this day.



41

I am not one to celebrate my birthday. I like having cake with my family when I am home but it ends there. Last year I turned 40. As it was a big milestone birthday, I decided to embrace it and make it memorable. I did this by celebrating it in Ireland with my special somebody. So this year, I was very ambivalent about my birthday. Mom mentioned that we would celebrate when I was to go home in August and that was just fine with me.  My friend Dee, however, insisted that we do something so I consented to a Greek dinner on the Danforth.

The day before my birthday, however, I got my first surprise when my brother Peter delivered flowers and a birthday balloon to me at work. I was so touched. It was quite the adventure getting this home via public transit and I was touched at how many people – bus drivers and strangers - commented and gave me birthday wishes along the way.

My birthday fell on a Friday this year and I happened to have that day off. I of course slept in and then meandered down to the Danforth to walk around and do some window shopping before meeting Dee at our scheduled time. I treated myself to a pedicure and by the time supper rolled around, I was incredibly hungry – rather I was ravenous. I hadn’t eaten much all day to save room for our Greek feast, but I hadn’t eaten enough – so much so that I started to get a headache. I met Dee at the cafe. We were to meet at the cafe and go directly to Astoria. To my surprise, Dee was sipping on a cold drink and seemed to want to sit and chat. I don’t recall saying it but apparently after fifteen minutes, I said “Can we just go and eat?” he he.

When we walked into Astoria, I was surprised to see our friend Adam waiting. That was the first surprise of the evening. We sat down to eat and were into our dinners when I got my second surprise. Someone with a moustache came from behind and kissed me on the cheek. I turned around and much to my surprise there was Brian. My former Manager and now my dear friend, Brian had driven two hours to celebrate my birthday. I could not believe it and was so taken off guard. It was then that Dee told me that she had been trying to stall while in the cafe earlier to give Brian time to get here!

Just when I thought that was it, Doug and Patty Baldwin appeared shortly after that out of nowhere with a large box. I remember shaking my head and thinking “What next?” In the box was a birthday cake from my friend Laura (who is a friend of the Baldwins as well) in Nova Scotia. On the cake was an edible photo of her son Thomas with his beloved blankie that I had made for his older brother Daniel when he was born – that Thomas ultimately made claim to.   

I couldn’t believe it. In such a short period of time all of these various people from corners of my life intersected to celebrate my birthday with me. It was a wonderful surprise. Being the introvert that I am, I find it difficult when any kind of attention is focused on me. Needless to say, I found it a little overwhelming. Then the story came out as to how the evening came together, which came to be called “operation Rossiter.” Doug called “Adam” (he couldn’t remember his last name) at the Archives to find out where I would be on my birthday so he could deliver the birthday cake for Laura. Adam asked Dee and found out we were having dinner together. Dee suggested Adam come – and then Brian emailed Dee and asked to par take as well. And to think I almost put the kibosh on it all when the day before I asked Dee “Do you still want to meet me for dinner? Won’t you be tired after work? I’ll understand if you just want to go home instead.” He he.

A few weeks later, I was home and Mom also wanted to celebrate my birthday. To do so, she invited our Cronin relatives for supper and birthday cake. Cheryl and David meet us for lunch in St. Peters. They came to farm, had supper with us and stayed till late that night. David, Karen, and our cousin Cathy also joined us for supper. We had a wonderful afternoon going through old family photographs that belonged to Cheryl’s grandmother Laura. Mom cooked a lovely home cooked meal for all us and we had birthday cake from the IGA in Souris – my favourite! It was such a lovely family oriented celebration.

Just when I thought all the surprises were over, Mom completely blew me away with two gifts. The first was a green Depression glass decorative bowl as I’ve started collecting green Depression glass. The second came in a very small box. When I saw it, I jokingly said “Oh, what’s this - my diamond?” I opened it and was 100% shocked out of my mind to find inside a pair of diamond stud earrings. My mom remembered me saying once that I’d love to have diamond studs. But never did I think that would *ever* happen. I was completely blown away and so very touched. And for one last surprise, Mom said “Dee knows about it – we discussed it via Facebook.” He he.

I now like surprises.

O

Over the years, I have not been as faithful an Oprah viewer as many others. School, work, and living abroad limited my ability to do so at times. Yet, when possible, I watched and especially enjoyed doing so with my Mother. When Oprah announced the launch of her OWN network in 2011, I was curious to see what it was all about. A year later, I am now a devoted viewer.

I have enjoyed her “Next Chapter” interviewers with Curtis Jackson, Steven Tyler, and Lady Gaga to name a few. My favourite show on her new network, however, is Oprah’s Lifeclass. With the goal to help her viewing audience to lead a better life, I was captivated by the weekly broadcasts and watched them faithfully. Such topics as “You Become What You Believe,” “The Truth Will Set You Free,” “The False Power of Ego,” and “Living with Purpose” have been examined. Then Oprah took her Lifeclass on the road and to my disbelief Toronto was to be one of the destinations!

My friend Dee and I went to the Toronto taping and it was the perfect best friend outing. We got up at 5am to get to the Toronto Metro Convention Centre where the event was being held so as to get a decent seat. We got there only to discover that thousands of other women had the same idea. I’ve lived in Toronto now for seven years and have attended some large stadium shows, but nothing prepared me for this.....8,500 people were in attendance at the show. The line up were blocks long and seemed never ending, but surprisingly we were inside sitting down before we know it. We were *nowhere* near the stage but I was just happy to be there all the same - happy to have the experience of being there – and happy to be there with my best friend.

The theme of the Lifeclass we attended was “Gratitude.” Prior to the actual taping with Oprah, there were one hour segments with Deepak Chopra, Iyanla Vanzant, Tony Robbins, and Bishop T.D. Jakes. Each addressed various aspects of gratitude in their own unique way. Deepak was the first to speak and his soft hypnotic voice made me relax to the point I almost fell asleep. I had just returned from two weeks at home due to a family medical emergency. I was therefore tired and emotionally drained. But the timing could not have been better. I was grateful and I knew the day’s sessions would make me examine my own perceptions of gratitude on a deeper level.

Tony Robbins had us all jumping up and down and fist pumping. I recall looking at Dee and saying “Yah, I am not so into this” to which she just laughed. Being the only women on the panel, Iyanla Vanzant had a maternal viewpoint that was unique. It was Bishop T.D. Jakes talk, however, that really resonated with me. Chief Pastor of The Potter’s House mega church in Dallas, Texas, this man had a presence on stage and delivered a sermon like I had never heard before. He said many things that made me think about my life and my faith in many new ways. The first thing that struck me was when he said “God loves us through other people.” I found this so comforting. Other quotes I wrote down during the show include:

• I am grateful for coincidences and where they have led.
• Expectation that isn’t met is where pain comes from. Change your expectation and the world will change for you.
• Be conscious of the energy you bring to a room.
• The only true belief you have is your infinite potential.
• Be grateful for what you have vs. what you don’t have. If you are grateful for what you have more will come.
• Problems are the gift that makes us dig in.
• Life happens not to me – but for me.
• The sinner and the saint are merely changing notes.
• The world is a university and everybody we meet is a teacher. Be sure you go to school every day.

Before we knew it, Oprah was on the stage. Wearing a red dress, she looked radiant and seemed very excited and happy to be in Toronto. I have been at live TV tapings before, but will say that this live taping was particularly interesting. Yes, she’s made a career of being in front of the camera and has done it for many years, but I was still surprised at how relaxed Oprah was and how effortless her interaction with the audience was in commercial breaks. I was also surprised that she moved throughout the floor of the Metro Centre during the taping and before we knew it, she was right beside us. Dee managed to get a photo of her but I just stood there and took it in. As she walked by us en route to another location, I will admit I was a little awe struck – but not to the point of others. It shocked me to see how crazy people acted. Some were shouting, others crying, and many were pushing in an attempt to get closer, get a better look, get – something. I will admit this was somewhat disturbing – especially in a crowd of 8,500 people. I don’t know if anyone got hurt, but there certainly was potential for it to easily happen.

When the taping ended, we realized we had been there for seven hours. It was exhausting, but a once in a lifetime experience. I was tired going, and even more tired leaving, but I was “grateful” for every minute of it. The experience reminded me of everything in my life I was grateful for – and to focus on this.

Be grateful for all that you have.

25

I recently re-read a “Note” I posted on Facebook on February 9, 2009. I had forgotten about it but enjoyed reading it so I am posting it again below with some accompanying photos.

 

The premise was to write a list of 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about myself with the goal of allowing others to find out more about myself and vice versa. I enjoyed reading others lists because I indeed, always discovered some interesting tid bit about a friend or family member I hadn’t previously known. So here is my list:

1. I wore glasses at eighteen months. My Uncle Allen said I looked like a little welder. He was correct.

 

 

 

2. My great-great Grandfather, Hilary McIsaac, built a ship in St. Peters Bay, PEI, that he called the Isabel. This ship was purchased by the British government and was the second of three ships sent by the British government in search of the Franklin Expedition. You’re not impressed? Neither was Ian Wilson.

3. My best childhood memory is that Mom took us to the beach everyday in the summer when we were growing up.

 



  



4. I have two brothers and am glad I never had a sister.



 

 

 

5. I have no memory of grade one [With the exception of the below photo]. 

 

  



6. The only memory I have of grade two is fighting over Lego blocks with Jamie Lewis.

7. My Dad was my school bus driver until grade eight.

8. In grade twelve I won the PEI Law Cup public speaking competition. My speech was about the PEI Land Use Commission. Looking back, I had no idea what I was talking about – but sounded like I did. I guess that was what counted.

9. I have walked up the Eiffel Tower, saw Berber dancing in Morocco and flown Aeroflot and Air China domestically and lived to tell the tale.

 

10. I’ve walked – and in places crawled – up the Great Wall of China.

 

 

 



11. I went to a snake temple in Malaysia to try and overcome my fear of snakes. It didn’t work.

12. I taught English in Tottori City, Japan for three years. I learned more than I ever taught.

13. I taught at a high academic high school – Tottori Higashi Koko. The day I was introduced to the school, I had to get up in front of 1200 students and 80 teachers and introduce myself – in Japanese. Another teacher had written the speech for me and I didn’t have a clue what I was saying. I didn’t care. I was too hot.

14. On a road trip in Japan’s southern most Island, we got lost in the countryside at night. I made Michele (driver and owner of the car) stop at a Koban (police station) to ask for directions. This resulted in the police insisting on giving us a police escort to the hostel where we were booked to stay at that night. The owners of the hostel were not impressed.

15. On another domestic trip we (Kelley and Leigh-Ann) visited the “wedded rocks” near Ise. Somehow, we managed to miss the last train leaving the station that evening. When the station master heard our tale of woe, he locked up the station and drove the three of us to our hostel. I felt perfectly safe.

16. Best birthdays: (1) 29th birthday with Kim and Amy at Tokyo Disneyland and (2) 30th - deep sea fishing with Sarah on PEI [And I would now add my 40th birthday celebrated in Ireland to this list].

17. I introduced Joe Clark at a PEI PC annual meeting. After my introduction I shook his hand, walked off the stage and out the door. I was tired, crampy, and didn’t feel like listening to him.

18. I’ve written two books – both are snoozers [I've now written three].


 

19. Another claim to fame: I’ve had a fiddle tune named after me - “Juanita’s jig” but unfortunately, cannot remember how to play it. This is no reflection on Timothy's teaching.

20. In Southern Africa, I came within 5ft of a Leopard in the wild (okay – the guide had a big gun), had monkeys steal my toothpaste, and came practically eyeball to eyeball with a seemingly tame rhino.

 

21. I love arranging flowers and Lillian’s garden in Greenwich is one of my favorite places in the world.

22. I consider myself lucky to have grown up on PEI.

3. I miss both my grandmothers.

24. My Mother is one of the funniest people I know. In fact, both my parent’s tell a great story.

25. Oh ya, I’ve met Nelson Mandela [Me in the backrow].